Crocodile tears…ramblings

Melancholic-depressionHave you ever cried tears that felt as big as the world. I mean the kind of tears that seem to take up your whole face. As they roll down your face, your can feel a little bit of your soul leaving your body. I like to call those crocodile tears. I know everyone thinks it means that these tears are insincere and fake and maybe they are. But tonight my tears are real, tomorrow they may just be a memory, but tonight they invade my mind, my body and my soul. I am struggling with myself, my thoughts and my emotions. I can’t seem to “get right.” I will be fine and there is no one I want to tell my issues, I just want to let these tears pass.Even though these tears feel as if my soul is literaly leaving my body. I can’t seem to stop them from falling down my face. I am sitting here tonight thinking when is this going to be over. Not life it’s self, this moment. This is just something I have to get through to get to the other side. I am not miserable, I’m not sure if I am as sad as these tears make me feel. But what I do know is that tonight I won’t sleep well because my mind won’t turn off. I will not stop thinking. I’m just sharing my mind with the world tonight, I’m going to do some reading and go to bed. ©


To My Future Boyfriend

I have been here! Thank God for freedom.

Oxygen & Alcohol

Dear Whoever-you-are,

I am not perfect and I apologize for that. You should know that loving me is a battle. I am deeply insecure and I will blow every little thing you say and do way out of proportion.

If you call/text me less often than what you usually do, I assume it is because you have lost or are losing interest in me.
If your life gets legitimately busy and finding time to spend with me becomes tougher than usual, I assume it is because you have lost or are losing interest in me.
If you tell me you want to do something specific with me and then do not make the plans, I assume it is because you never wanted to actually do whatever it was…at least not with me.

I am jealous and I am untrusting. I will also get too deeply attached and want too much…

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